Forgiveness is a cornerstone of the Christian faith. From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible is saturated with the theme of grace—God forgiving sinful humanity and calling us to extend that same mercy to others. But let’s be honest: forgiveness is one of the most difficult things God asks us to do. When someone has wounded us deeply—when the betrayal is still fresh or the memory still stings—how do we forgive?
Many people assume that forgiveness means pretending like the offense never happened, or instantly feeling better, or reconciling immediately with the offender. But forgiveness is not denial. It is not forgetting. It is not excusing sin. Instead, forgiveness is the deliberate and painful process of releasing our right to hold a grudge, retaliate, or demand repayment.
Jesus taught this powerfully in the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12, NLT). He reinforced it with His own life, forgiving even as He hung on the cross, looking at the very people who crucified Him and saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
But how do we forgive when we still hurt? The truth is, forgiveness and healing often walk together. Forgiveness is not the absence of pain but the decision to pursue healing even while the pain is present. It is not dependent on the other person’s remorse, apology, or change. It is a personal decision made before God.
Forgiveness is not weakness. It is strength—divine strength. Only through the help of the Holy Spirit can we truly release the bitterness, resentment, and pain. God calls us to forgive not to make light of our suffering, but to set us free from it. He knows that holding onto unforgiveness keeps us trapped in the very cycle that hurt us.
This article is an invitation: not to dismiss your pain, but to bring it before God and allow Him to walk with you through the journey of forgiveness—especially when it still hurts.
How to Forgive When It Still Hurts
Forgiveness is not just a moment—it’s a process. When the pain is deep and the offense personal, forgiveness can feel like an uphill battle. But Jesus didn’t tell us to forgive only when it’s easy. He told us to forgive always, just as we have been forgiven (Ephesians 4:32). So how do we forgive when the pain hasn’t gone away?
Acknowledge the Pain Honestly
You can’t forgive what you refuse to feel. Many Christians suppress their hurt because they believe that admitting pain is a lack of faith. But Jesus never taught denial. In fact, the shortest verse in the Bible—“Jesus wept” (John 11:35)—shows us that grieving over loss and injustice is holy. Don’t downplay your pain. Bring it to God in truth and let Him meet you there.
Understand What Forgiveness Is and Is Not
Forgiveness is not:
- Saying what happened was okay
- Forgetting the offense
- Trusting the person again immediately
- Ignoring justice
Forgiveness is releasing the offender from your personal vengeance. It’s giving the situation to God and allowing Him to deal with the outcome. Romans 12:19 says, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath.” Forgiveness puts justice in God’s hands, not yours.
Recognize the Cost of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness doesn’t just hurt the person you’re angry with—it hurts you. Bitterness becomes a toxin to the soul, poisoning relationships, stealing peace, and clouding joy. Hebrews 12:15 warns us not to let a “root of bitterness” grow, because it causes trouble and defiles many.
When we hold on to grudges, we remain spiritually bound to the person who hurt us. But Jesus came to set us free. Forgiveness is a spiritual release. It’s how you walk into healing and wholeness.
Invite God Into the Wound
True forgiveness starts when we invite Jesus into the places that still hurt. Ask Him to sit with you in your pain. The Holy Spirit is called the Comforter for a reason—He is there to soothe, heal, and restore. As you invite God into the memory, you may even find Him showing you His perspective, revealing truth, and helping you to see yourself—and the offender—through His eyes.
Make a Daily Choice to Forgive
Forgiveness is rarely one and done. When the pain returns, so does the temptation to pick up the offense again. Jesus said to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22)—which means, continually. Each time the memory resurfaces, you can whisper, “Lord, I choose to forgive again.” That repeated decision gradually loosens the chains.
Set Healthy Boundaries if Needed
Forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in harmful relationships. While reconciliation is a beautiful fruit of forgiveness, it requires repentance and safety. Forgiveness can happen without reconciliation. It frees your heart, whether or not the other person changes.
If someone continues to abuse, manipulate, or disrespect you, you may need to forgive them while also creating healthy boundaries. God doesn’t call us to be doormats, but disciples—wise as serpents and gentle as doves (Matthew 10:16).
Look to Jesus as Your Example
When in doubt, look to Jesus. He was betrayed by a close friend, abandoned by His disciples, mocked by strangers, and crucified by religious leaders. Yet, He forgave them all. Not because they were sorry—but because He was full of grace.
As Christ lives in us, He enables us to forgive in ways we never thought possible. His Spirit works in us to bring about the supernatural act of releasing others—even when it still hurts.
Prayer for the Strength to Forgive
Heavenly Father, I come before You today with an honest and hurting heart. Lord, I am struggling. I want to obey Your Word and forgive, but the pain inside me is still very real. The wounds are still open, and my emotions are tangled. I feel betrayed, forgotten, and wronged. And yet, I hear Your whisper—calling me to let go, to forgive, and to walk in freedom.
Father, I need You. I cannot do this on my own. In my own strength, I want justice, not mercy. I want repayment, not release. But You call me to a higher way—a path of grace. Help me, Lord, to take that step today. Give me the courage to forgive.
Right now, I choose to forgive—not because they earned it, and not because it doesn’t hurt—but because You have forgiven me. I release the person who hurt me into Your hands. I give You the anger, the sadness, the confusion, and the fear. You know all things. You see the whole story. And You are a just and faithful God.
Heal my heart, Lord. Where there are wounds, pour in Your oil of mercy. Where there is bitterness, plant seeds of compassion. Where there is rage, speak peace. Let the Holy Spirit work deeply in me—reshaping my heart into one that looks like Yours.
Teach me how to walk in love. Not a fake love, but a holy love rooted in truth. If reconciliation is possible and healthy, lead me in that. If not, give me the strength to maintain boundaries with grace.
I declare by faith that I am not a prisoner to the past. I am not defined by what happened to me. I am a child of God, empowered to forgive, and free to live. I trust You to heal me completely, in Your perfect time.
In the powerful name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.
Conclusion: Forgiveness and Freedom
Forgiveness is not an easy journey, especially when the pain still echoes in your soul. But the path of forgiveness is the only road that leads to true peace. When we forgive, we are not pretending that the pain didn’t happen—we’re trusting that God can redeem it.
It’s okay if the hurt still lingers. Healing is a process. Just as wounds on the body take time to close, so do wounds of the heart. Each day you choose to forgive is a day you move closer to healing, to freedom, and to peace.
Let go of the pressure to feel okay instantly. Instead, focus on obedience. Forgive as an act of worship, trusting that the God who sees your pain is also the God who heals it. The Holy Spirit is with you, and He will strengthen you each time the hurt returns.
Remember, you are not forgiving alone. Jesus walks with you in the process. His Spirit empowers you. And His Word assures you that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). Choose forgiveness, even if your voice trembles. Choose it again tomorrow, and the day after. Over time, the pain will soften, and joy will begin to rise.
Let forgiveness be the door through which you walk into a new future—free, whole, and deeply loved by God.